What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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