Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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