My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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