Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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