We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
