i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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