Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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