dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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