At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
