I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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