I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
