omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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