i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
