chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
