So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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