CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
