So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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