wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize