I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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