dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
