i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
