Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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