Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
