He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
