drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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