Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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