I didn't shave. On purpose
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
worst night to have a conscience
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
