before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
