I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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