How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
