32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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