It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
