He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
