It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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