Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
