you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We're too hungover to prance.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
