Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
