Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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