I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize