i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
