Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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