During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
