Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The uberlube is also flammable
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
