I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
