Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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