I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
