That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
