Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I have aggressive nipples.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
