I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
