Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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