My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i love accidental penises.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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