Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
