He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
