drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Everclear isn't food dammit
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
