Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
