At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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