It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
