Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
