get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
