i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize