I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
