did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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