Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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