Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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