break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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