Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
