please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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