I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
