I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
