just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
