At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
