Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just cropdusted the office
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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