My room smells like vodka and shame
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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